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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member MickilaFemale/United Kingdom Groups :iconeating-your-soul: Eating-Your-Soul
 
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It's mostly :icongeekgirl8: work but hey, It's awesome!

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142 deviations

Inside of my mind.

Sun Jul 26, 2015, 6:55 PM
I am going to take everyone on a small journey.
The Journey into my mind.
The mind of a Depression sufferer.

So yeah. I'm Kila. I have suffered with depression for many years. At school I used to get taken out of class to speak to a "Mentor" about how I was feeling.
Like most:
There are days I feel great. Days when I feel like I am able to be productive, creative and a care free version of myself. On these days, I smile and act like a human. I joke around with friends. I like to make people smile on these days. I look forward to the future, I anticipate what I will be dealt in the future.

And then. Like my character Kila Knight
The darkness comes....It makes me feel so cold, like a cold empty shell.
I try to avoid people in this state. Not just because of the people but because of myself. The reason for myself to avoid others is because I don't want to burden anyone. I try to keep the people that love me decieved. I put on a fake smile and lie through my teeth.
"I said I'm Okay but I know how to lie."
Admittedly. I want to be grabbed by the shoulders, stared into the eyes and hear "You don't have to fight alone."
But I shouldnt expect such things it means troubling others. Other people have their own problems.

The other reason is because anything can trigger me.
For example. I got called a ugly evil woman recently.
I have even got called fat by one of my "friends"
And when I become triggered. I imagine falling asleep and never waking up. Or stringing myself up from the ceiling. It becomes very dark, very scary and a very hard time. I don't like thinking this way but it happens. It makes me feel selfish for a dumb reason.
And one of these days. My friends won't stick by me. They will get tired of it. And I'll be alone.
I have tried to take my life once before... My sister stopped me and I don't know if even she will keep me sane forever...

Skin code by NotLucy

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Kila-Knight's Profile Picture
Kila-Knight
Mickila
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United Kingdom
Empty
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Who'd win in a fight? 

60%
3 deviants said Hades
40%
2 deviants said Kila

Inside of my mind.

Sun Jul 26, 2015, 6:55 PM
I am going to take everyone on a small journey.
The Journey into my mind.
The mind of a Depression sufferer.

So yeah. I'm Kila. I have suffered with depression for many years. At school I used to get taken out of class to speak to a "Mentor" about how I was feeling.
Like most:
There are days I feel great. Days when I feel like I am able to be productive, creative and a care free version of myself. On these days, I smile and act like a human. I joke around with friends. I like to make people smile on these days. I look forward to the future, I anticipate what I will be dealt in the future.

And then. Like my character Kila Knight
The darkness comes....It makes me feel so cold, like a cold empty shell.
I try to avoid people in this state. Not just because of the people but because of myself. The reason for myself to avoid others is because I don't want to burden anyone. I try to keep the people that love me decieved. I put on a fake smile and lie through my teeth.
"I said I'm Okay but I know how to lie."
Admittedly. I want to be grabbed by the shoulders, stared into the eyes and hear "You don't have to fight alone."
But I shouldnt expect such things it means troubling others. Other people have their own problems.

The other reason is because anything can trigger me.
For example. I got called a ugly evil woman recently.
I have even got called fat by one of my "friends"
And when I become triggered. I imagine falling asleep and never waking up. Or stringing myself up from the ceiling. It becomes very dark, very scary and a very hard time. I don't like thinking this way but it happens. It makes me feel selfish for a dumb reason.
And one of these days. My friends won't stick by me. They will get tired of it. And I'll be alone.
I have tried to take my life once before... My sister stopped me and I don't know if even she will keep me sane forever...

Skin code by NotLucy

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconpumkinkiller777:
Pumkinkiller777 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015
Hey! Guess what? I've finished cleaning Aaaaaaaall of my stuff now! X3 Finally!
Reply
:iconkila-knight:
Kila-Knight Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Jeezus how long did that take XD

As promised you can play with any of my boys so take your pick xD
Reply
:iconpumkinkiller777:
Pumkinkiller777 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015
Uuuum...about a week or less maybe? o.o

OHMYGOD!!!! Gotta choose wisely now! X3
Reply
:iconkila-knight:
Kila-Knight Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol it felt like a long time.

Wisely? Pffft no. You can have multiple plays with my boys
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsho-biyunko:
sho-biyunko Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015  Student Digital Artist
:iconsparklesplz::iconsparklesplz::iconsparklesplz::iconsparklesplz:
   Thank you for the watch :iconrubcheeksplz:
Reply
:iconkila-knight:
Kila-Knight Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome. Thank you for the watch back.
Reply
:iconpumkinkiller777:
Pumkinkiller777 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015
Hi, how's it going? :3
Reply
:iconkila-knight:
Kila-Knight Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey ya, I'm fine just been super busy and stuff. :/ Might have to cancel on my contest entry.

How are you?
Reply
:iconpumkinkiller777:
Pumkinkiller777 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015
Oki, maybe next time. :huggle:

I'm fine. I've also been very busy. :/
Reply
:iconkila-knight:
Kila-Knight Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I am sorry though :( :hug:

Hehe oh? anything fun?
Reply
(1 Reply)
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